A few days back some people, just trying to make conversation, asked me what is interesting about me that I would like to share with everyone; and I was at a loss. I realized that I had to come up with some answer in order not to look stupid in front of people, everyone was telling about their hobbies and well so did I. I said I loved to paint and I like photography. And now when I am in front of my laptop in the safety and comfort of my home without any anticipation of embarrassment or humiliation caused by a simple goof-up on my part, I feel it was not true…what I said.
I mean yeah I do like to paint, but nowadays it has become more like a stress releaser, I let out my anguish, my frustration, my anger through the reds and the blues and occasionally on the yellows or maybe I try to. I am not saying it works, but it’s what I do.
And photography, it has actually been ages since I have even touched a slr camera…hell I think I might have even forgotten half of the technical stuff. It is easy to say I want to hold a camera, take pictures of whatever I want, capture moments, freeze memories, walk on the ghats with the morning slanting rays bouncing off the walls…but to go ahead and do it, that is altogether a different matter. Funny, I don’t even remember what holds me back.
Before I ramble on and get completely off-track , what I meant was there is nothing interesting about me poring over a piece of paper and doodling with colors, same goes for photography; if I can take the liberty I might call them hobbies I indulge in occasionally. But what is actually interesting about me? What would I answer to this question honestly and not in a room full of strangers?
I cannot sing or dance even if my entire existence depended on them. And let’s see I do love Spanish, I think it is the most beautiful sound in the entire world but then I am sure so does many others, it is a beautiful language after all.
i guess i have a rather simple method of dealing with all my shortcomings, i imagine. i imagine them away.
Erm. Slight problem though. Though I agree being able to utilize my imagination and fantasies at an extraordinary level while being utterly awake is indeed worthy of being deemed interesting about me, yet will I ever say this out loud in front of people( forget strangers, even friends)?
Hell no!!
So I guess after hours of contemplation and soul-searching I am back to photography and painting, with an everlasting fear and paranoia of being humiliated publicly. Pity I can’t imagine them away! Damn.
real as hell! and always.
